7:00 PM

How is everyone doing? I know I ask this a lot here, but I think this year it matters a lot to ask and look out for each other. I care about you and I want everyone to be safe and ok. 

I can't believe that we really made it to November. This year still feels like a roller coaster to me and so many others out there, too, I guess. I remember when it was April and we were finding ourselves in the first weeks of a nationwide lockdown. It was all new, it made us feel nervous, but also we thought this was a way to succeed fastly. A weird journey began...

I remember how I was already starting to plan my fall and winter things, hoping that until then it will feel more safe out there and there won't be a lot to worry about.

I dreamed about progress. I dreamed about a lot of healing. And I basically dreamed about human nature. Mankind. We should feel capable to learn, adapt, and follow some rules which protect us and our loved ones.

Today is the middle of November and it's safe to say that we failed.

Is it even getting worse?

Covid feels really comfortable all over the world and there are countries who succeed fighting this, others basically loose without even trying.

Do you remember the election chaos? The presidential election that we will tell our grandchildren about... kind of feels like it was 2 months ago.

Time flies and time freezes at the same time. It feels like we are moving, passing day after day, but nothing really happens.

Covid fatigue was in the news a lot the last weeks. I have to admit — I feel it, too.

I'm not tired of the virus, I respect it, but I am tired of human beings. I am tired of watching them still not masking up, rather demonstrating, even brainwashing their kids, and spread a lot of fake news and negativity.

I am tired of our system here. Waiting, watching, another 4 weeks of observing things, creating weird mask up zones which don't make sense as a total. Another waiting period. I don't know what I am waiting for... Another lockdown after this light lockdown?

With November approaching and all the seasonal spirits coming over me, I started to reflect a little bit. What else do I want to create this year? What's my plan? My motivation? What can I feel proud of so far? Strengthening myself and my little ego.

Well, Sag season is approaching soon and this is my time to shine. My birthday is up, Christmas is on its way and I start to feel a little lonely.

I am far away from my other half — long time, no see, no touch. I spent many evenings at home looking around wishing that someone would sit across my table. I turn to my Sonos then and blast some music to forget the pain. I spent this year a lot by myself, going through a lot, and here I am still waiting for nothing to happen. Meh.

I talked about SAD also a few weeks ago. With this mindset and a huge longing for warmth, love, or just company, I need to take care of myself and my mental health.

I don't want to end this year feeling beyond depressed. I know my worth and I know what it takes to flip the switch and just live for once. I tell myself first that it's okay to feel this way. Instead of refusing my feelings, I acknowledge and feel them, the secret is to take them and turn them into something great.

I am a holiday child, so I spread the spirit throughout my apartment until I feel dizzy. I will dance and sing the pain away. Christmas songs all day. I turn to my Sonos, "Ok Google, play xy" and my very perfect playlists play. My Disney+ will provide me with the right movies and I will just turn my brain off and vibe. Enjoying the cheesiest Christmas carols, love stories, or whatever comes my way. Give me all the classics, let me bake all the damn cookies, and the perfect hot cocoa is making my day complete. I put the grinch on my iMac as a screensaver and I decorate my tiny apartment in warm and merry vibes.

For a little bit, I am not thinking about the danger that is out there, the mess that is going on, the anxiety I feel when I am around people. I can really just vibe.

Seasonal vibes. I don't know what I would do if you weren't around right now. I really need you and I want you to stay forever.

Is it okay to forget Corona and everything that deals with this crisis right now? Is it okay to just focus on yourself right now and forget about everything that stresses you?

Well, I am not ignoring the situation, but I know that my mental health matters, too, and if this little ride to merry Christmas land is the solution, then I will stay here until January and make the best out of it, making sure that my body, brain, and heart feel good, at least okay.

This is not about reaching a perfect goal or state of mind — this is basically figuring it out without losing yourself.

This is a very special situation we are finding ourselves in right now. I know we will make it somehow, but it's also clear that we all react differently to certain situations.

Listen to your body and its needs. How are you really feeling right now? What can you do to feel okay? What do you need? How can you make it through this season?

Find your balance and find your moment of zen.