How The Hell Shall I Deal With My Anxieties Right Now?


10:06 AM I loooove to plan ahead and my days are actually in such a smooth flow, because of my planning and scheduling. It's the best for me and my anxiety. I don't need stress - I want to be as calm as possible. But now... what day is it? I think after day 3 of self-quarantine, my whole body started to become a mess. 
I had to stay at home, because I was in contact with a person who came from a region of risk. I was mentally going to work already, but no, I had to stay at home. What am I going to do now? Is this really happening? 

Weeks before (I am following the news forever) I decided to go out and get myself some unnecessary things that really no one needs - but just in case, I wanted to be prepared. 

I panicked. I have never been in such a situation before. I don't know what's happening around me and I don't know what I need in the next couple of weeks. I plan week by week, I budget like crazy, and I need my freaking routine. 

On CNN a woman said the most important thing to get is actually snacks, because that's something not everyone is thinking of. Spending so much time at home, in front of the TV, or just simply bored, one craves a lot of snacks. I followed this tip and hoarded thousands of snacks which I actually ate in the first week. Emotional eating.... I don't recommend this tip. 

I wrote a list with all the things I could cook in the next weeks, trying to create exciting kitchen times for me and did a big grocery run where I really covered myself with good stuff that made me happy and satisfied for a long time. I got myself also a little more flour (which is so hard to get lately...) and decided to bake a little more for myself and also to share great recipes with you on OFF COLOR. 


The days seem to get by very slow and I was actually watching CNN all day, panicking even more and not feeling comfortable at all. 

I went to bed with stomach ache, I woke up with stomach ache.

I asked my family why I am feeling so bad and they told me to relax and just take it day by day. 
I did that, but it didn't work.
Of course I worried the fuck out of me. I watched news, I wanted the people out there to wake up and understand the situation. I was telling my work place since January that this could be something crazy and uncontrollable, but everyone laughed at me or said I was too emotional about things that don't affect us. Today I only sigh and say to myself... I told you so! 

As a very emotional being, a Sagittarius, and an anxious butterfly, I just want to help the world wake up, do something, and fight this motherfucker.

I want to help the people, give them enough food, medicine, and a home where they can rest. The news went crazy... seeing images of African people who are not even able to wash their hands, because they don't have access to water (clean water)... and we fight over toilet paper. The world is upside-down and I never thought I would witness a situation like this. 

I knew I could only calm myself and my stomach down when I find solutions. 

I said to myself that I cannot save the world, but I can help people I care about. I sat down and took a deep breath. It's okay that I don't have a smooth routine right now, but things will be alright very soon again... the world is not going to end...we all face the same situation right now, it's okay. I put my right hand on my stomach and inhaled deeply. I released my fear, my anxious thoughts, and let go of any negative thought I had. My journal is a very good company right now, too, which helps me releasing more thoughts and understanding what's actually bothering me. With this I continued: I wrote my loved ones, made sure they are safe, staying at home, and got enough food! To not feel so alone and helpless I facetime a lot with my family and I even baked cake for my parents to show them that I care (I still offer cakes and cookies for anyone who lives close here.... I bake for you to make you smile... if you need something, holla). I cleaned the house, decluttered a little bit and at the end of week 1, I waved my stomach ache good-bye. 

There was a lot shit gathering inside of my body and this was definitely not healthy! I realized that this time, being isolated, means I have to do a lot of self-care and spend time with me. 

Something which is actually not bad, because I am used to it. During my teenage years, I loved being alone, I locked myself in my room and never wanted to go outside. But now, where I appreciate life so much more, my Sagittarius being screams for going outside and exploring the world. Running, walking, hiking, taking my camera and just documenting the things around me. Instead I am sitting on my sofa watching YouTube videos or seeing people on Instagram getting wasted every day, because they don't know what to do with themselves. 

As a solitude gal by heart, I am giving you this piece of advice: I know there are people out there who love to be around people 24/7, but it is so important to spend time with yourself as well. And I don't mean you spend time with your partner. I want you to have a day, or two, where you just spend time with yourself, your thoughts, dreams, and inspirations. I feel sad seeing so many people online sharing that they don't know what to do alone. They are on Google hangouts to "hang" with their friends and drink alcohol. If this is what alone time for you means...okay. Just a little reminder: many people out there call themselves influencer and right now I can guarantee that you have even more viewers checking what you are doing. What are kids thinking when they see everyone in a situation like this getting drunk? Don't share this online, please. 
It's so liberating to connect with oneself. Check in with yourself. How are you feeling besides of this health crisis messing up your daily? It's time to write a goals list, a to-do list, writing cards to people you haven't talked to in a while - there's so much more. Just think about this....

I'm on day 10 today and I feel great. 
I miss working. I miss having a little social life here and then, but I am happy about the things I can do at home. 

With all the different tasks and ideas I had, my anxiety left me for a little bit. 
I can never get rid of it, I guess, but I manage to control it. 

If I can chill my anxiety during times like these, I believe you can do this, too! 


Here's a little list for you again to see and maybe find inspiration of the things I do to be less anxious!

baking
cooking
more baking
decluttering
organizing my fridge
organizing my closet
writing postcards to loved ones
drawing (just to calm myself - no business related art)
meditation
spa time
running
cleaning my apartment for the third time
dancing to my special playlist which distracts me from all the stuff that is going on
hydrate, celebrating a coffee or tea ceremony
journaling
writing things I could share with the world on OFF COLOR
facetiming with my family
making my bed
taking care of my plants, singing to them, water them, and just smile at them 


what I will do the next weeks (I take it step by step) 

yoga
more mindfulness
watch less news (this is really helping)
nourish myself better 
create 
reading
create
create
sleep enough
keeping a routine kind of... making my bed, cleaning, etc. 
being calm(er) 
getting to know me deeeeper
working on projects I loved to postpone
I'm definitely writing more... 
I will write a very personal piece that I will put in an envelope so my kids can read about this one day... the next generation has to be prepared for this - building a better support system!


And now again, this is for you, anxious person: remember you are allowed to feel. You have to feel. Feel to understand what's going on right now to act wisely. 

When panic or a feeling of discomfort hits you: take a deep breath, analyze that thing, so you understand what worries you, be present, notice, pick a thing that can make you happy right now in this moment, breathe again, remember we are all in this together, you are not alone! 
If you feel like crying, cry. Let it all out! 


YOU CAN DO IT! 
THE WHOLE WORLD IS IN THIS TOGETHER! 
WE WILL ONLY BE STRONGER AFTERWARDS!