Bless This Mess - How I Reconnected With My Body

11:35 PM Sometimes I ask myself what kind of person I would be if it wasn't for my anxiety or health journey.
My attitude towards life would be completely different.
Sounds weird, huh?

I often admire people who take life just for what it is. Who cares about tomorrow when I can live my fullest self today. Yolo, you only live once. Treat yourself and have a blast.

Good idea. But I just can't.

I grew into this. I don't know if it was the way I was raised, my education, or just curiosity. I grew into that person who studies every tiny thing that can benefit me or bring harm to my body and self.

As a kid I had it all. My nutrition was beyond bad, even though I ate plenty of veggies and fruits. I was chubby and depressed. I never understood body types and why my friends could eat three times more and still look skinny. Sugar was my best friend... I'm so upset that I learned too late that this was feeding my depression even more...
I talked about this far too often.

My lifestyle was unhealthy, a bit messy, no structure. I was a little rebel with my own rules which were either way too naive or I couldn't stick to them. Also my patience never allowed me to take time to really understand procedures and especially development.

My life changing moment was the lowest point that I reached during depression. I began my road to recovery without even noticing it. One thing that woke me up was reading. I understood that my situation is no circumstance, it's a problem, it's a disease and this needs healing.
I'm not crazy.
I felt that my body wanted to talk to me.
Reconnect with me.

I was finally ready to do so.

So I started reading, keeping my mind fit.
I studied depression, anxiety, empathy, sensitive energies, and nutrition.
This was such a good beginning which felt like therapy to me.

One major thing which brought so much spark into my life was running. I ordered two outfits or such, got me a cool running shoe and started lacing up a couple of days later. I sucked. But I kept going.
Soon a day without running didn't feel complete. With this new routine my days totally changed. I enjoyed every step I ran, registered for races, and created a special workout routine which kept me sane.
With being outside so much, I learned to appreciate Mother Nature more and I fell in love with every tree in my neighborhood.
Have you ever stopped and took a look around you feeling so grateful for all this nature and balsam for your soul? Because it truly is.

This transformation in my life was huge and even though I never saw it coming, I was so happy it happened!
It all merged perfectly and all of a sudden I found myself surrounded with tools and equipment that helped me live a healthier daily.

I wasn't telling myself that from now on I needed to be a healthy person, I just realized what influence certain things got in my life. My body knows what feeds me happy and balanced and which energies let me freak the fuck out.

Self-knowledge is something I am so proud I gained over the last years.
Bless this mess.
Yes, my daily can be hectic, beyond chaotic, and filled with heavy anxiety attacks or mood swings, but I don't see it as a threat and I don't ignore it neither. Noticing it is half of my victory.

Treating this makes me feel so much stronger!
And proud.
I learned to communicate with my body.
Read it.
Treat it.
Love it.

This might be too much work for you but I recommend this closer relationship to yourself anyone out there.
You can only benefit from this.