5:17 AM
The last weeks I was thinking about the same things and I didn't really know how to get rid of those thoughts. At the end of the day, I realize that one thing which always helps me, is writing my thoughts down on the blog and connect with you out there, because I know there are many who feel the same way! So let's start from the beginning. My last "Tuesday Talk" was about breathing and how it helped me going through different things. Today, I have something like a second chapter to this...

It's March and I can't believe how fast time goes by! The little person which is living inside of me is totally stressed out. Why? Because I organize every day of my life and at this point I wanted to be somewhere else...somehow. I mean how can I be so slow, when I plan each and every day? I must be doing something wrong. I don't talk much about my private life here, but I said it before, I have a real job and I do thousand of things at the same time. As a German, I tell myself "hell yeah, give me more work, I can do it all at the same time". Germans love to work, they are organized and punctual when it comes to deadlines. What about my own deadline? I still argue about that with myself.

What I taught myself early was to not make my job my number one. I hated school, university was worse, and I lost myself too many times, because I lived for those things. For my job I will only do what's important and the rest of energy which is left is all mine!
I have a lot of projects which need my motivation, dedication, and time. 24 hours are nothing to me. 

During my years at university, I skipped sleeping. I was up all night and this for days.... Why? because I have to work! I can't sleep...that would be a waste of time! Now that I am getting older, I realize how much sleep I need, but where do I get the extra hours? My parents or whoever is close to me would say I should stop doing this or that and just focus on my job, but that wouldn't make me happy. 

The last two years, I realized that my active routine is a thing which helped me being alive and I was more focused and relaxed at the same time. So what did I do? I went crazy when it comes to working out and this is something I still do. This "hobby" is asking for more each day! As a reader of this site, you see what kind of activities I am trying out right now.
Next question... how can I include those active routines into my already busy daily life? There is no answer...I just do it somehow. While my last challenges were pretty "relaxing" and I had a good feeling about it, I have to admit that my current personal active challenge is killing me.

After two weeks now, it had to happen...I am really exhausted. After one week of kickboxing and another week of yoga, I sat down and realized that this challenge could be a little bit too much for me right now. My anti-stress program actually turns out to be a stress creator. I am not the biggest fan of yoga and last week, I had to push myself every day! My week was already full of this and that, but I told myself that I will do my yoga routines. And I am not talking about 5 minutes, I am talking about 60 minutes. On the last day of my yoga week, I was actually pretty happy about the fact that I did it somehow. I wasn't feeling well and I was still in need of relaxing and calming down, but I celebrated my motivation and endurance. Good job, K! I said to myself that this last yoga routine will be an easy one and tomorrow the world will be looking pretty again.
10 minutes later I was throwing up. I went to the bathroom and I couldn't stand or move anymore. What did just happen? I don't know. 

Oh, how many times do I preach to listen to your body? Well, my body wasn't telling me anything. I just told you that I had a party inside of me, because I was so proud of myself. But somehow my body reacted a bit differently. I went to bed and slept. 
What a great challenge... Shall I stop the challenge? No, I won't. This next week is all about running, which is my number one! I will enjoy the next runs, but I still wanted to understand why my body reacts that way. 

When I talked to my sister some days ago, we talked about our weekend activities. I told her about my program and that I actually don't have a day left to relax and just do nothing. 

This is where I started to think "am I doing too much?" When do I notice that I am doing too much? How can I change that? This is something I will never understand. My philosophy is that I have to hustle. I don't want to relax all day and be lazy. I want to work and I love results.

Last year, I was starting to practice for my first half marathon and what happened? My knee messed everything up. Was that a sign as well? 
There are so many people out there who do more stuff than me....how do they do that? 

Today's to do list is: how do I balance my work life with my normal life. One thing I know for sure is that during April, there will not be a new challenge. I have to listen to my body and not invest too much energy into every tiny thing I do. Maybe I shouldn't take things too seriously! Also it will be summer soon, so I will spend less time online (hopefully). 

But now enough bla bla. Tell me about your balance! Do you have a busy schedule? How do you plan or structure your day? Let's discuss, friends! ~

PS: It's okay to admit that one is exhausted or tired. We are all human beings. I guess this is also something I should remember more often! 

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